Echoes of Absence (S1.EP10)

Broken bones hurt but broken heart kills. That night at that moment I realized, how it feels when someone leaves you. Well! I'm breathing but something is choking, my chest feels heavy as if there are weights on it. Everything is fading away like nothing is there, a complete absurd. And for the survival of the heart, it makes the last move to save itself. A word utter from that dying heart is "Dhadak", which is the whole world of its.

I turn around, but there is no trace of her left. She was gone. And this sight broke me down, I cripple down on my knees. My lower body got paralyzed and I feel the pain freezing in the middle of my rib-cage like it's urging to break out. My eyes are itching and burning, my nose turns red, my forehead turns white, and my brain freezes. What just happened? Did she leave me?

No, I've to stop her, I can't let her go. At least not like this. I'm not giving upon us. I love her. I can't let her go like this. Yeah! I'm not thinking straight, I'm losing my mind and getting unstable. Without thinking anything, I just rush outside to stop her, to make her stay. 

It's midnight and I'm running on the streets. My blurred eyes are searching for their peace. The breeze is drying my tears making my face sensible to cold. I'm such an idiot, I could simply call her. So I take out my phone and I was about to call her, I see her on the other side of the street. "Dhadak ...." I screamed out loud.

(Deploy nukes but still my heart is yours)

She looked at me and stopped there. I crossed the street recklessly and went to her and said which I should have said earlier, "Dhadak! Please! Don't leave me like this. I know, I don't even deserve to say sorry to you. But, please listen to me once.", "I know I hurt you, but trust me I'll never do such a thing to hurt you again. It was a mistake. Please! Give me a last chance to make it right."

"I'm such an idiot that I took you for granted.", "I'm sorry!", "I'm such a terrible person. But I need you more than anything.", "I can't live without you.", "I can't." I said.

"Great! You can't live without me." She said and a tear rolled out from her eyes. She looked up towards the stars probably not allowing the tears to flow down, then she make eye contact with me and said "I've waited for you for 5 hours at the bus stand because you're supposed to pick me up from there." 

She fumbles and said, "You planned the whole thing but at the time of execution, you just vanished. How could you do this?" 

"And you need me!!!" She said pointing her finger at her.

"I don't think so." She said and a bit of anger can be shown on her face.

"What am I to you?"

"What about me and my feelings?"

"Don't I need you?"

"Why every time do I need to understand?"

"Why?" She said, but this time she points her finger at me.

"Sometimes you need to show your presence physically."

"And to be honest, I can't handle this much."

"Everything has its limit."

"And I've been through enough." She said ignoring eye contact.

I hold her hand and said, "Please! Dhadak. Don't do this to me."

"I can't. I'm sorry." She said with eyes full of tears. "And, Yes! You love too much. But loving you has hurt me a lot."

"I'm a very clear vision kind of person, but I didn't see that coming.", " This may hurt you, but I can't take it anymore. I'm tired. Sorry.", "Now, please, leave my hand and let me go."

These are like nuclear bombs which were dropped in my heart by her. I become speechless. And I just keep looking at her drugged eyes while her words keep damaging me. And finally, I see myself dead in those beautiful deep eyes. 

"And if, it has to end this way then so be it." She said to my corpse.

"Take care of yourself."

"Bye ...." She said and left.

To be continued ....

Echoes of Absence (S1.EP9)

Why do we always hurt the one, whom we love the most?  Because they cared ❤️ ....

It was really a hell of a day, it doesn't go as expected. A few things went wrong at work and it was a very exhausting and tiresome day. I was so frustrated and tired that I didn't even bother to check my phone. And I can't blame my phone because it's me who doesn't care to check. I'm such a terrible person. So with this careless attitude, I left for my room. After reaching there, I took a deep breath and stand in front of my door, thinking about the work which I could have done better earlier in the day. I take out my key to open the door but it was already unlocked. I got a bit of suspension but to be honest, I'm a little irresponsible so I might have left it unlocked. Well! That's what I thought and went inside. But as soon as I close the door, I find out how I messed up things horribly. 

(I don't know about the diamond but you are my Kohinoor)

"You are supposed to pick me up at 6:00 pm."

My mind gets blank after hearing this sentence and I didn't even dare to turn around. My legs just froze there. And I can't even figure out what to say because I know what I have done tonight, and it isn't forgivable.

"I'm glad you returned." 

I slowly turned around and look down towards her feet because I had no courage to look into her eyes.

"I'm about to leave in a few minutes if you wouldn't have shown yourself by now."

I can feel the steadiness and emptiness in her stammering voice. She must have been crying or I must have been made her cry again. Well! In either case, I failed again. 

"Where have you been?"

"Busy I guess."

"Have you checked your phone?"

"Oh! How can I forget? You are acquainted with my missed call. Right! Oh, sorry! Missed calls."

"Right?"

I couldn't utter a single word. I feel so unable to say something that my words break inside my vocal cords. I just stand there silently. 

 

She takes a pause, probably wiping her tears. I feel so low like drowning in the guilt that I made her cry again. Her each falling tears on the floor are felt like fireballs falling over my chest penetrating my heart.

"You knew, I'm leaving tonight. I have a flight at 2:30 am. And I can't cancel this time."

Another drop touches the floor and I'm still incapable of looking up. 

"I've told you to be in time and you agreed on that."

"And I don't know, what was I thinking? I must be so dum that I believed in you."

Her voice stammers more as if they are falling apart and so was our hearts. I was physically tired but she was emotionally tired of me. I felt broken but she was shattered. And I made her this.

"It's 11:00 pm now."

"I should leave."

What should I say? After what I did to her. I couldn't even look at myself in the mirror. I feel disgraceful and selfish. I took her for granted, how can I dare to take her for granted? Who takes "Kohinoor" for granted? It isn't just any diamond, it's "The Kohinoor" which has made the world go mad. Every crown is worthless without it. And I just took her for granted, I can't believe myself.

"So you're gonna stand there like a frozen pole."

"Good!"

I looked up, her eyes were red, and I still see the dolphins in the ocean. I feel so damaged like someone just flamed my soul. My entire world just went upside down. Did somebody rip my heart off? Am I alive? 

"I got to go."

"Bye"

I wanted to stop her. I wanted her to curse me, slap me, scold me, hit me. But not to leave me. My heart is screaming "not to let her go", but I felt so helpless and weak that I did nothing to stop her. I just stand there like a dead person.

She picks up her handbag and said,

"And one thing ...."

"Nevermind, forget it."

"Oh! Sorry again!"

"You're very good at forgetting."

My heart is screaming at its peak as if it's gonna explode into pieces and it's saying repeatedly, "stop her, stop her, stop her, stop her, stop her ....".

She pulled the door handle and is about to leave, and I'm right there. I can stop her and apologize but I just stand there and gonna watch her leave. And I don't know, out of somewhere, how I gathered all my strength and said, "Dhadak ...."

To be continued ....

Echoes of Absence (S1.EP8)

Twinkling dots in the sky at night is nothing but memories huddling in our minds. Some are so brighter and some are about to die, and some are lost in the darkness. It looks beautiful but isn't bright enough to lead the way, there is always a moon that will be missed. It might be bad or good or whatever it is? But those memories are very precious to us. We just want to live those again, to be lost in those forever, and to correct the mistakes we did. But we can't because that's the beauty of memories, it's the irreversible and unerasable connecting dots of our life.

Dhadak ❤️ .... When did she become the core of my world, I didn't realise? And my world revolves around her. "My Dhadak ❤️"

"How's it?" I referred.

"It looks delicious and smells decent though but I'm the one you got to experiment with.", Dhadak said by making an investigating face. 

"Ouch!" I said.

She rolled her eyes and lose her shoulder and picks up the spoon and dipped it into the chocolate cake, that's what it looks like and it is that too.

"It's a cake. Cut with a knife." I requested.

"Well! It's too late for now." She said and nibbles the cake. Then she looks at me and starts laughing by putting her hand against her mouth constantly. 

"What? What happened? How's it? Stop laughing, it might choke you. Dhadak! Oye .... How's it? Tell me." I said.

"It is salty." She replied.

"What? No way. You are lying." I said and took a bite.

"Ha-ha .... Really funny! You liar." I said.

She winks and said, "It's sweet just like you." With little emphasizing "just like you".

"I'm not letting you have this cake anymore. Go, make your own." I said. 

"Hey! It's tasty and chocolaty. Come on, let me have a bite." She responded.

"No!" I said.

"What no? I have waited for 3 hours for it. And I'm hungry." She said.

"Woh! I'm the chef here." I replied.

"I'm not saying no to that and besides, I'm the customer. So according to that, it's mine." She said.

"Excuse me, I have the right to serve as per my will." I replied.

"This isn't a courtroom, save your allegations." She said.

"Alright! Give me one reason, why I should share with you?" I said.

"Because I .... Love you." She said.

I blushed. 

"Don't turn your cheeks pink", she said and takes the cake from my hands. Then she puts that cake into my face and ran.

"You are so dead" I quoted and chase her.

"Come here! You, little butterfly. You are doomed. Dhadak!" I said.

(You are the moon of my darkest night)

She continues laughing and running, we are just behaving like kids of the alimentary schools. She is running and I'm chasing her. And suddenly she clashes with the couch and is about to fall, I grab her right hand and pull her towards me. "Sorry! Sorry!", she said and continues laughing loudly, it's because of my face which is covered with chocolate cream and bread. Yeah! I'm looking like a scarecrow. But watching her like this makes me happy and it's so peaceful and relaxing, like blissful. And I don't want this moment to be ended. 

I grab her waist and pull her a little closer, our eyes are locked on each other. My heart beats very fast, I can hear the beating sound. Time just slowed down as if it stopped. She unhurriedly leans forward and closes her eyes. I move towards her lips, and it is about 0.5 centimeters apart from her lips to mine. Then I move towards her left cheek and rub my chocolate cream-filled cheek in hers. Then she opens her eyes and looks at me, then said by blushing "Are you willing to leave me? Or just I stay here."

I just stand there silently. I don't know what to say, my mind is just completely blanked out. I just keep looking at her face and after two minutes she said "Jaan!" by addressing my hands with her drugged eyes. Then I realise that I have been holding her waist for too long, so I remove my hands immediately. And after two minutes of awkward silence, I said "Let's order something to eat."

"Yeah! I'm hungry. Go, clean yourself up." She said.

Then we both look at each other and start laughing.

To be continued ....